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Erap (Estrada) Witze / Jokes

Teil I / PART I

Contract by: Pinoy Jokes Archive

Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house? Because the contract read: "Execute all 3 copies together with your wife..."

Shoes by: Pinoy Jokes Archive

A three-year old ERAP put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I know they're my feet."

Bathroom by: Pinoy Jokes Archive

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice of ERAP from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

Groceries by: Pinoy Jokes Archive

ERAP and his mother returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. ERAP opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. "What are you doing?" his mother asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," ERAP explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

Bible stories by: Pinoy Jokes Archive

ERAP's father was reading Bible stories to him. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." ERAP asked, "What happened to the flea?"

Mass by: Pinoy Jokes Archive

During Mass at the wake for a politician-friend, Erap whispers to his companions that they have to leave. His companions tell him that it would be impolite to leave in the middle of the mass, and that the family may resent his leaving before the coffin is brought out of the Church. Until Erap explains: "Let's get out of here, We can't stay here. Delicado. See the sign? REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED"

Trip to US by: Pinoy Jokes Archive

Seated between a Japanese and German businessmen, ERAP listens to the two. The German, talking in his native language, had on a headgear. The Japanese asked the German "Kore wa des ka?...what is that?" GERMAN: "Hiel...dezz iz nothing. It iz zee latest technology ien Germany... the headsvone! I am talking to mine headquarters in zee Berlin." The Japanese, not to be outdone, also started talking in his native language. The German asked him, "Vhat is dhat?" JAPANESE: "Ano ne..kore wa is latest Japanes technology in Japan! Have mic implant in tongue... and speaker in ear. I speak to office in Tokyo...neh." ERAP, irked by the two other nationalities started to do a slow and looong FART. "....TRRRRRRR, TRRRR..PURURUUUUUUUT!" The two businessmen closing their noses say...."&^^%$#@! WHAT'S THAT SOUND???" ERAP says proudly, "Ah that, that's nothing. I WAS ONLY SENDING A FAX TO THE VICE PRESIDENT!"

Dinner by: Pinoy Jokes Archive

At a dinner party the hostess asks her guests if they would care to try her imported steak. A vegetarian, the man seated next to Erap politely replies, "Thank you, but I'm afraid not." Erap tells the hostess. I'll try it. I'm not afraid.

Spell Eucalyptus by: Jokes Only

Estrellita Bituin had a hard time breathing and Erap called 911 right away. The 911 operator told Erap that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Erap replied, "at the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me." After a long pause, Erap said "How about I drag her over to Rose Street, and you pick her up there."

Just Arrived by: Jokes Only

Erap just arrived from the Philippines for a summit meeting with Bill abd Boris in New York City. Bill & Boris were on a drinking binge that they lost track of the time of the day. When they came to meet Erap they ask him if the bright thing in the sky was either the sun or the moon. Erap shyly muttered:" Sorry folks, I'm not from this place, I just arrived"

The Sperm by: Jokes Only

Erap went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave Erap a jar and said: "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, Erap reappears at his doctor's office and gives him the jar back, which is as clean and as empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and Erap explains:" Well, doc, it's like 'dis, first I tried my right hand, then with my left hand, but nothing." "Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left hand, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth with her teeth, then without her teeth, she even sat on it, still nothing..." "Hell, we even called up the Mrs. Macapagal-Arroyo next door, and she tried with her left hand, then with her right hand, even with her mouth, still nothing..." The doctor was shocked, "You asked the vice-president?" Erap replied: "Yep, no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the damn jar to open!"

The Organist by: Jokes Only

Erap, worried that his misstress might get pregnant during his regular quicky with her, went to see his doctor for advice. The doctor gave him a condom and says:" Put this condom on your organ before having sex ." After nine months, Erap went back to his doctor complaining that the condom didn't work. So the doctor gave him another contraceptive instructing him again: " Put this in your organ before having sex." Another nine months have passed and Erap now furious and angry went to see his doctor and complained that the contraceptive didn't work. Now he's got two kids from his mistress that it would be very difficult to hide them from his wife. So the doctor, also worried, asked Erap if he's been following his instructions. Erap replied quite sheepishly: " Doc, since we don't have an organ we put them in our piano."

Inquire from: TXT messaging

ERAP:I would like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco? OPERATOR: Just a minute sir ERAP:Ah, ok. Thank you.

Shoot Shoot by: Its joke time

Erap and Loi were on an African safari when a huge lion sprang out of nowhere and dragged Loi with its jaws. LOI: Shoot, shoot! ERAP: I can't. I've run out of film!

Please pass the... by: Its joke time

Clinton, Yeltsin and Erap were dining with their wives...! CLINTON to WIFE: Can u pls pass the sugar, sugar? YELTSIN to WIFE: Can u pls pass the honey, honeypie? ERAP to LOI: Can u pls pass the pork, porky pig?

Mehr Witze in der November Ausgabe/More jokes in the November edition

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